My Expectations
As with anyone, I’m partial to people who model appropriate behavior; well-adjusted, happy and healthy individuals. As for those I prefer to associate with, I am particular; traits of honesty, integrity, civility, empathy, kindness, emotional intelligence, and intellect are important measures. I’ve added mental stability to the list for obvious reasons. When around people who lack desire or competent ability to think, in comparison I end-up feeling like a genius – which is not good for at least trying to maintain humility; so best to avoid such situations. That’s another reason why being in a courtroom with that judge and my neighbors was extra challenging.
People I admire are those who understand what is right and do what is right no matter the sacrifice; true to themselves regardless. Steadfastly opposed to bullies, liars and cheats, what bothers me way more are those who recognize wrong yet do nothing. I’ve no room for people inherently timid or fearful of controversy; afraid of risk or discomfort. I call people like that human flotsam bobbing on the sea of life; comfortable, directionless, bland; going whichever direction is easiest. They are the common ones. The others are champions, and far too few. Avant garde rock musician Frank Zappa said “Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.” Change occurs when people are unafraid to be different, to use their voice, to take chances. These same people are too often counted against and outcast by the masses; ridiculed or persecuted for their conviction. I count myself as among that rarified few.
Now Know Who I Am
I am an introspective, critical thinking visionary, social maverick, a rebel, non-conformist, a misfit and proud of that. My Meyers-Briggs personality type tests as an INTJ. I am a MENSA member. These are supportive credentials of someone who already knows himself well. Makes me different; might even make me in a way, rare. I am true to my authentic self, and don’t need or want your approval. Deepak Chopra identifies this as a ‘state of referral;’ where one is aware of their true Self; confident and secure. My attributes make me different as yours do you; we all have our strengths. I’m a critical thinker adept at discovering flaws in arguments or processes, and then devising solutions. I’ve worked as a government regulatory inspector. With an agile mind for detailed assessment, I also worked for decades as an in-demand risk analyst. I think like an auditor and in-fact have worked as one, and in my career encountered a wide range of violations. My natural talent of inquisitor led me to uncover white-collar crimes that after a multi-year federal investigation resulted in 8 million dollars in fines. So have no doubt that I will stick to the perpetrators and enablers in this case like glue until true justice is achieved. My abilities made me a target; it’s unpopular to find fault in someone else’s work even if you are paid to do just that. Reaction may be unwanted attention from people with insecurities or with something to hide. If it occurs, negative backlash typically ranges from resentment to threats or worse. But in my world, everyone must comply with laws regardless of the degree of enforcement. That means that we should not need someone watching us to do what it right; doing right is our civic and moral duty above what laws call for.
Given my attributes, I am used to but perennially dismayed by people who misunderstand, misjudge, make fun of, bully or abuse me. Don’t measure me for you will surely categorize me neatly in a way that conveniently fits your world. But your world is not mine; leave me out of it. I require kindred spirits therefore it’s easy to tell people ‘no thanks’ when I do not sense a natural fit. In addition, my philosophy and beliefs dictate if not demand impeccable ethical conduct and mental discipline as a part of practice of Buddhist doctrine.
The first precept of Buddhism I follow is to keep the body pure by not killing or consuming creatures. It follows to keep speech and mind pure. Remove all greed, anger and false judgement. A mind filled with sympathy and compassion can resist evil. One should not lie, deceive, or indulge in idle talk. Words are to be chosen with care for they can influence people for good or bad. All that said, it was a difficult choice to fight back and protect myself against this evil because so doing requires critical assessments and language I’d prefer not to use – but admittedly found great satisfaction in the opportunity.
I may handle difficulties like this differently than some; my tendency is to examine in detail. If only vacuous Judge Fay had spent even a fraction of time and attention on this that I have. I am stymied by situations that stem from stupidity, irrationality or crazy, and respond the only way I know how; with logic and reason although that won’t repair underlying problems; they remain an enigma and likely unsolvable. So damage from this repulsive, hurtful experience remains; for this, responsibility and liability still exists and restitution imperative. Because the court failed to deliver, then consolation of sorts will be had by this exposé. This trying predicament hits deep; a saddening, discouraging nightmare assault on my character and values; a test of my composure and compassion for sure. The outcome became this necessary and unavoidable examination of the bad in people. I hope this exposé will promote examination of and by those who have chosen to do wrong so they might improve. I offer my case to the court of public opinion with belief that what is right and good in the world will prevail. There is great power in truth, and that should worry people with something to hide.
How We Treat One Other
There is so much discord in the world the result of people being mean to others. It begins at the individual level and grows from there; the roots of prejudice, disdain, hostility, violence, hate and brutality. We need to be mindful because for example, Nazis were not some abstract creation; their ranks were filled by neighbors, family, church members. What made them exists now; that base desire to burn witches, an ‘us vs them’ mentality; needing only a reason (or no reason at all); the anonymity of a mob and/or government consent to unleash terror. Thousands of years of evolved civilization can vanish in an instant. It is not much of a stretch to compare people who broadcast evil lies in court to those who rationalized duty to operate gas chambers during World War II; evidence of that frightening ability to discard civility and justify misbehavior. Eager embrace of dangerous ideology and dogma also propels the masses to do such things. Willingness to forego universal norms speaks to the fragile nature of humanity. It should concern us all how and why people can basically stop thinking and so easily forsake rational thought.
When I read about the mental condition called Delusional Disorder, I found that it not only applied to one or maybe both of my accusers, it also explains blind belief in any number of divisive and nonsensical conspiracy theories that dog our society now; runaway delusion that something is so despite lack of logical and convincing evidence. Sadly, fact-checking does not seem popular or a priority; I just don’t see that getting better – evidence at the least the nitwits I had to suffer through. Attention all: uninformed, uneducated conjecture is sloppy and no substitute for critical thinking and fact-checking. It can be dangerous to have others do your thinking for you but that doesn’t stop people from blind faith; the too easily pliable masses who unfortunately live as they do to the detriment of the rest of us. If that sounds arrogant, at this point I do not care; the patience and restraint I exhibited in court is gone and for good reason.
Two accusers attacked me with implausible, unsupported malicious fictions, and a malfunctioning, too-easily-misled court went only part-way to right that wrong. What an emotionally exhausting nightmare; unimpressive government lackeys injected into my affairs, a colossal, senseless waste of time and resources, plus monetary cost to defend from rubbish given legs by an incapable court. I’m embarrassed for my neighbors, their attorney, and the judge. It’s an over-used phrase now but it truly was a witch hunt at a time when society itself has lost its bearings; gone mad. Reminds me of a quote I know from Friedrich Nietzsche: “Insanity in individuals is something rare – but in groups, parties, nations and epochs it is the rule.” Sorry Friedrich but given this experience, we differ on the ‘individuals’ part. A lesson learned is that problematically mentally unwell people live among us, and may not receive suitably effective treatment. Thankfully the majority of us have adequate coping skills to basically stay sane regardless of what life brings. We have a duty to take care and achieve reliable emotional, spiritual, moral and mental fitness as individuals – and teach those skills and lessons as parents – so we can best contribute to the present and future welfare and stability of society.
As society continues to morph into one unrecognizable from days past, I for one get anxious; we are becoming increasingly fractured, disrespectful, shallow, alienated, desperate and uncivil. Juddu Krishnamurti said “It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a sick society.” Our society is at risk of failing us as we increasingly fail one other. We have turned our backs on altruism, faith and spirituality. Empathy and kindness have become almost oddities when most news is about the cruelty of humanity. Another quote I like to recall is from Helen Keller: “Until the great masses of the people shall be fitted with the sense of responsibility for each other’s welfare, social justice can never be attained.” We live in a time of increasing detachment, inequity, and factions. Given direction society is heading along with this troubling neighbor situation, more than ever I am saddled with inescapable existential angst; uncomfortable with where we are going.
Now here’s a revelation; the product of (somewhat desperate) wishful thinking tinged with levity, I hold hope that one day highly intelligent extraterrestrial life will visit earth and provide guidance and lessons where humanity is often so very unable to control itself; we are by far the most dangerous species on the planet. Should they arrive, I hope to greet them with just two requests: Please don’t eat me, and please take me with you. Now imagine if I had shared that with my neighbors; they’d have twisted that into belief in little green men and alien abduction.
What a Nightmare
I left the city, moved to rural Colorado and bought my retirement home with only one lot next to it so I could only ever have one neighbor. My goal was peace, quiet, and solitude. Instead I got a draining black hole of despicable evil next door. Long before court, avoidance was the plan. Warily, I sensed something off about each of them; I did not want or need the involvement and complication. Trying to interpret Mange’s off-the-wall remarks, and deal with his odd-ball, insecure wife was just not on my to-do list. Now they seem quite deserving (but detrimentally so) of each other; soul(less)mates of bad karma. I’d like to forgive and forget but they have made that very difficult to achieve; my patience has been put to the test.
Admittedly particular and demanding, I find my accusers and their government accomplices unworthy of respect. Increasingly sceptical of people and their motives, and disillusioned by corrupted systems they populate, I hold slim hope for humanity. I used to say I was too open, honest and trusting. Although as time passes, it has become hard to trust anyone; been bitten too many times. As far as innocence goes, I lost that a long time ago from dealing with people like my neighbors and Judge Fay. At height of the COVID pandemic, someone asked me if I was afraid of the virus. Yes I replied, but people scare me more.
Perhaps his dishonor Judge Justin P. Fay has had little exposure to people possessing true and pure moral duty; so he gauged me by his own imperfect experience. Then by my measure he’s a loser, and because of their misdeeds, my accusers unwell and unfit. As disgustingly reprehensible as are my accuser’s evil tactics, I pity them for being troubled and misguided, and captured by turbulent, unsettled thoughts. To be short on morality and reliably rational reasoning is not a good place to be. Notwithstanding the disturbed nature of my accusers, it is the judge who I find truly frightening because he should know better.
Contemptable, arrogant, indulgent, selfish, rude and thoughtless actions by my accusers deprived me of peace, tranquility and precious financial resources. My calculating neighbors used exploitive tactics typical of bullies, liars, and propagandists to cultivate fear and doubt; finding the near-perfect audience. Culpability of Judge Fay’s kangaroo court for ignorantly enabling and promoting harm while denying full justice is without question; overall a deeply disappointing unwanted intrusion by notably lesser people. To be clear, my long-held belief is that lies the sort my accusers deployed comes from evil. On top of that, lies of that kind must be due to mental illness. It has to be; you can’t be sane and lie like that. No one should be able to go full psycho on someone else and then just crawl back under a rock as if nothing happened. I’m traumatized and deeply, deeply offended by these events and individuals. The lies and accusations leveled against me are no less hurtful than a false charge of embezzlement against a banker or that of child abuse against a parent. Words fail to express the absolute disgust I have for these people.
Lying is misbehavior no matter the reason and comes in degrees; the more egregious, the more shameful. In this case, my accusers lied to conceal their own faults, words and deeds, and lied to pretend things about me that were not true. It is said that deciding the right path can be a moral dilemma but that’s an oxymoron; there should never be dilemma or hesitation; you do what is right – always. Advice especially to my accusers: If the truth will not take you where you want to go, don’t use lies to get there. Because being a liar is so is very telling and unbecoming. The truth is easier to remember anyway. The cure for lying is telling the truth. Khaled Hosseini said “When you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth.”
My Thoughts
Knowing what went wrong and why is important for me to understand and learn. I do have difficulty comprehending people who are not logical, intelligent and reasonable – so this one has been a challenge. I have made my concerns and observations very clear in writing to Judge Fay and Deputy Ball (see: Updates & Latest News for copies of those letters). Now if I were them, I would invite the harmed party to discussion. Make time to express views, explain perceptions; to listen and to be heard; to come to understanding. That’s the hope of the inescapable dreamer in me. Sadly though, people in power prefer to hide; and to dictate rather than communicate. That choice ensures they remain trapped and polluted; unable to find their way to be transparent, genuine, humble and honest. If that is your path, I have no use for you.
Unfortunately for our society and fortunately for the players, most people won’t even register dissatisfaction or put themselves out to try to make changes and enlighten others. Then I come along to fill the gap. My advice to all of them: Expand your thinking. Learn, grow, and become a better you. But sadly, this advice is likely lost on those who are in effect victims of tainted socialization. The world is full of people who lack imagination and investment; consigned and resigned to a life of mediocrity. My feeling is that they are missing-out on life; on service, on potential. Goes way back to what I suggested earlier; do you want to be human flotsam or a shining star? As they say, why run with turkeys when you can choose to soar with eagles.
It remains difficult to comprehend how I ended-up with an uninspired and unimaginative attorney, and then a lazy, foolish, prejudiced judge and an incompetent deputy on top of nutso neighbors who initiated this sordid affair; for these people (read: pretenders) at least, a true confederacy of below-average dunces – each saddled with their own brand of crippling deficits. For their errant ways, I will continue to shine a light on them with hope that doing so will promote uncomfortable attention and result in much needed accountability, individual and process improvement.
The outliers are my unscrupulous, audacious, spiritually and morally corrupt neighbors; lost-cause mental misfits probably unable to grasp how and why their conditions cause problems; likely too afraid to face themselves; frightening people indeed. What if they purposely create a fictional menace (as they did) to give them a unified purpose? I’m trying to figure this out but suspect that if they both play along and back each other up, they conveniently manufacture a smokescreen to avoid facing themselves and the harsh reality of mental illness and other defects; easier for them to join the fantasy than to brave introspection.
Watch Out: I’m Persistent, Near Fearless
I will speak frankly in court or anywhere else – especially when faced with maleficent accusations. Do you recall the scene in The Wizard of Oz when the wizard projects a large, loud, scary image to frighten Dorothy and her friends? That’s when her dog Toto pulls aside the curtain to reveal just a man pulling levers. I’ve always been that little dog. I do not tolerate bullying or lying, and have spent most of my life standing-up for myself and others in the face of such evil; I am indelibly a crusader and inquisitor with talent for exposing wrong-doing; a tenacious bulldog.
In court when I said that no one gets to treat me this way, I meant that in a way those lacking imagination could not possibly grasp. Surprise! Perhaps now realization has come to the perpetrators; incompetence and heavy-handed bullying has consequences. I imagine that if my accusers ever read this, they will complain loudly that it makes them look crazy. My response: You managed that all on your own. Forgiveness is possible but first Mange and Pavis need to take time for serious introspection and seek healing to repair themselves. As for Judge Justin P. Fay, a man undeserving of the authority entrusted to him, he needs to either markedly up his game or step aside.